Thursday, August 6, 2009

As promised. Adam´s current project.

Whadown, y'all? So this project was inspired by Junot Díaz´s brilliant The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. The protagonist doesn't have too much luck with the womenfolk, and it got me to thinking about my own struggles with the ladies over the years.
I came up with this:

20 Girls Who Told Me "No"

By Adam Levin


If you’re reading this, you probably have already created something like it—at least mentally. (If you write it down, don’t publish it—you’ll look like a biter. And no one likes a biter. Just ask those people in Jaws. *rimshot*) I’m 19 as I write this, hoping it’s a way for me to leave all of the awkward heartbreaks of my past in the angst of my teenage years before I turn twenty in a couple of weeks. (However, I ain’t dumb—I know I still have a whole bunch of women who are gon’ eventually fuck up my life SOMEHOW.) But until then, I’ve written up a comprehensive history of 20 of the young ladies (yes, I had to narrow it down…quit laughing already) in chronological order (how’s that for obsessive?) who have said no to me (or who I’d given up all hope of getting with…that part doesn’t have as snazzy of a title, though). They’ve done so in various locales around the world and with different accents,; sometimes they went about it the right way and I took it wrong, or they let me down in the wrong way—which meant that I DEFINITELY took it wrong.

DISCLAIMER: The dates and places remain the same to reinforce the accuracy of these accounts.

The names have been changed to cover my ass.

Thus, I present to you “20 Girls Who Told Me ‘No’.” It’s written in the same form as another great encapsulation of bullshit—the American constitution (“person x, who blah blah blah; who blah blah blah; etc.”—basically a lot of “who’s” and semicolons).

Enjoy…cuz I won’t.


PLACE: Chicago International Children’s Film Festival*

YEAR: The summer between 7th and 8th grade

GIRL: Aileen Soriano, whose parents were Venezuelan: who had skin that was a shade deeper than thick honey; who lived near Brickyard Mall in Chicago on the bus route to the theater we went to summer camp at; who, on the day of our summer camp’s orientation, asked why the fuck I kept staring at her (and her folder); who eventually saw me every day on the bus with my CD player and CD case and asked what I was listening to; who was the first girl to tell me I was cute; who asked what I thought of another boy in the camp and I said that I thought they would be perfect for each other when they weren’t and I didn’t think that shit at all; who broke up with dude and told me he was a “faggot” (her words, not mine); who would let me kick it at her house when my moms was late picking me up from the bus stop; who told me to call her; who told me she would be there for me when my grandfather died; who DID show up for my Bar Mitzvah party (take THAT, Smelly Shelly!); who played truth-or-dare with three other dudes; who I dared to kiss my friend Chedo; who kissed my friend Chedo; who dated Niko, another dude in the truth-or-dare circle; whose number I lost; who moved even farther away from me than she already was; who I haven’t had any contact with since; who I still think about sometimes almost seven years later; who was the first girl I ever loved; and who was the first girl I was too scared to say “I love you” to.


*I was selected to be on the jury for the Chicago International Children’s Film Festival during the summer before 8th grade. It was one of the coolest things I’d ever done. I got to watch movies all day and take the bus into the city by myself. Yay-YAAAAAYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Word to Ice Cube)

(note: girl number 4 of 20)

1 comment:

  1. This is a tight project and I support you on this Adam. Crazy detail too, cos I wouldn't be able to remember all of this as vividly. Purge your memories of these stains, but keep the pages of this to refresh your mind of the past in case you need it to remind yourself what to watch out for or what you don't need
    - Lima Limon